Where is the Angst? - Day 7

I was getting used to that pang and the feeling that I'd burst into tears at any moment. Strangely today on Day Seven I don't feel angst. I have a lot of uncertainties circling around like A: am I going to be okay after this sorts out? B: are the boys going to be okay? C: do I look different?

But what I'm not circling in my brain is all the thoughts that have been haunting me over and over. Questioning what it was I have done? Questioning if I had done something different would H2 still be there. Today, I don't give a shit - I'm more focused on what lies ahead?

What does lie ahead? Hmm. Well, I have a couple of great bikes that have been neglected over the past few years. So once this winter wonderland goes away, this girl's got bike. I've got so many fun adventures in store with my two great sons. We are talking about doing a little backpacking trip. I'm making progress on big projects at work. - things are indeed going Okay today. I know that progress does not move forward. I may have a weak or sad moment, that is to be expected. I can say right at this point, there are things I'm always going to miss terribly. But I don't have to think about whether or not the times that made me happy were real or just a bunch of smoke and mirrors. They were real to me. I was able to love, I was able to see the rest of my life with H2, and I was so so happy. Now, things have changed and I've got to focus on what's next in store for me.

I have really missed bike riding and having a more healthy and active lifestyle. I'm going to really enjoy getting back into that. Now that my boys are older, we can do a lot of this together.

Well, not much more to say here from me. I'm in a snow storm right now. I shoveled the walk and the driveway and the back porch and it's all covered again in snow. It's a light powdery snow though, so it's quite easy to move it around.

Five Favorite Things:
1. a chubby bulldog who like to keep my feet warm
2. less desire to waste my time watching TV
3. this hot cup of tea appropriately served in a turquoise fiesta mug
4. putting on the old boots that hiked up Pike's Peak a few years ago.
5. Roasted butternut squash and mushrooms in the oven as I write this.