Day 9- A Change of Plans

I realized a couple of hours ago that today was the day I was supposed to be traveling with H2 to Arizona to this lovely resort we've enjoyed together for the past few years. Well, as some may know, that was cancelled on Jan. 14. I received a call at work from H2 asking me to cancel the trip, he didn't want to go with me and then later in the evening- as he packed his bags, it was made very clear to me that he did not want to be married, that he did not love me and that he did not want to work things out. Pretty clear. No questions there.

Now I can say it and not get this weird dagger thing in my chest or stomach. It is very sad, and to many it is so shocking. I've lived with it now for nine days, so it becomes less shocking as time passes, although I've gone through various stages-- shock, trauma, denial, anger, ...... repeated, etc.

I feel like that tube of toothpaste is all squeezed out now. I don't have control over what H2 wants to do, I only have control over what I do. He's gone and he doesn't want to come back. So I'm trying to do a few things better than I have been. I am definitely a work in progress, but I'm lucky to have a strong network of friends. I'm not going to bore you with the counting my blessings stuff.

I got in a 45 minute workout today at work- in the dingy basement gym at my office (hey, free is free). I'm noticing already that my clothes are fitting a bit differently (in a good way) so that's a plus (or a move away from plus).

I've been sleeping. Boy, I am so grateful for sleep. Over the past four months I've been suffering from insomnia and that isn't happening as of late.

Five Favorite Things:
1. the salad I had made to order at Au Bon Pain (but not the price)
2. abandoned gift cards that are coming in handy to buy pricey lunches at Au Bon Pain
3. my cozy little office here
4. wearing my kick-ass cowboy boots (totally kick-ass)
5. getting a lot of work done at work