Day 10- How to Move Forward When You've Been Deceived

Today is day 10 since H2 informed me he did not want to be married and did not love me. And left. He did not give me reasons and was very vague about things, telling me he was unable to explain, and as it has turned out, he was hiding something. Countless times over the past few months he was hiding that he was texting another  woman. And countless times when I was asking him about what was wrong, or what I could do to help, he lied. I'm glad the truth is out now, but never would I have expected him to be a person of such low character and I'm sorry that my lovely two boys were exposed to this.

I think what is most difficult is that through this time, he has been blaming me. So weak and very very deceitful. It's hard to really think about this, but in my home he texted this woman while I was in bed with him, he texted her Christmas morning, he texted her a couple of weeks ago when he and I were at a beautiful Inn in Virginia. On and on. And he treated me like I was the problem. 

Being lied to is really really hard, no matter who does it. It makes you feel rotten and discarded and unsafe. We build this trust with people, especially those we love, and when they break it, it is very hard on a person. It was not the way I should have been treated. The reality is, however, I do not have control over how people treat me, I have control over myself and how I treat people including myself.There are so many paths I could take from this point on. I could be the bitter woman who never trusts anyone, I could be the sad person who becomes self-destructive or I could build from this. Bad behavior, the stuff that is slapped at you and knocks the wind out of your lungs, can help you too. It seems hard to believe, but it's a time to rebuild and refocus and become a better person.

I swam a quarter mile today in the pool. I wanted to swim a full mile but there was this fat guy sharing my lane and he was bothering me so I chose to stop swimming. Everyone keeps saying, this too shall pass. They don't know what to say because they are shocked and sad and there really isn't anything that can be said beyond that. I know that the terrible pain will go away or soften, but this event will be something that I won't forget. I won't hold it in with hatred, but I will use it as a guide, as a tool to make sure I do the right thing in life.

Today I see a sad, broken-hearted woman in the mirror, but she's got fight.

This is my family, God has blessed me. I'm so lucky to have them. Nothing is perfect, but we love each other. 

Jilted Wife Recipe #2
Roasted Mushrooms and Butternut Squash
1 lb of button mushrooms, trimmed and cleaned
1 pound of butternut squash cubed.
1 tablespoon olive oil
salt and fresh cracked pepper to taste

Preheat oven to 375.
On a baking sheet lightly sprinkle the mushrooms and butternut squash with olive oil and salt and pepper, roast for 25 minutes-- enjoy. A very nice wintery dish. A veggie's potroast kindof thing.


Five Favorite Things:
1. swimming this morning and having my own lane for part of the time
2. accepting that now there is no gray area
3. this cup of joe I'm drinking
4. that today is Friday
5. that next week I will have my happy little boys.

It is hard to decide if the love I felt was real or not. Because of this charade over the past few months, it all seems so unreal. I have to remind myself that I'm going to learn a whole lot more by moving forward rather than moving backward.

Thanks for reading.