Day 11- Owning the Day

I've been up since 5:00 am. Not because I couldn't sleep, but because I woke up. Last night was the first night I fell asleep on my own without the help of Mr. Ativan and I'm glad. I feel clear-headed and rested and ready to take on the day. It is cold outside and the snow is still blanketing the ground. It makes everything look clean and tucked in.

Here is today's morning sky. I just shot this a few minutes ago.

I like it when the day is just starting to open up. Everyone is tucked in and safe in bed, it's quiet and I get to have my first crack at the day. This summer, when we were at the Outer Banks I took some pictures of the start of the day, it's a pretty magical moment and it's something you enjoy with this solitude that I think people really need and don't often find.

Here is another one of my favorite pictures from that trip. This is how I'll remember my Jack, even when he's grown up.

I like to fly kites. Correction, I LOVE to fly kites. I always have. When I was young, I used to try and make kites or I'd try and get those paper kites to fly, tearing rags up to make a tail and on some days I'd be so determined even when there was no wind. I still am like that, but I have a rather extensive collection of kites (and they even have names). My boys like to fly kites now too. I guess I've passed that on to them. It's something we do and in many ways I think it's this optimism we all share. I don't think there is anything more positive than getting something to go very high up into the sky.  Just a really nice thought to put out there.

Today is day 11, since the H2 event. I'm going to the gym with my best friend Kathy and her sister and daughter today. It is nice to be around people. They have all these things going on in their lives and it's good to think and talk about that rather than focusing on this situation I'm sorting out. It gives me time to quietly stitch this heart back together a bit. I guess for a while, I'll be carrying this sadness thing but I won't be a sad person I will be a hopeful person. Correction, I AM a hopeful person.  I can't undo the things that have happened. I wasn't driving that bus, but I am in control of my life and how I manage this. I'm going to make it a good day today.

On a different subject,  I've got a giant bag of kale in my refrigerator that I think I will work with today. Not sure what I'm in the mood for, but I'll think of something. Confession, right now I feel like having a warm cinnamon bun (don't happen to have any of those in my house).

Five Favorite Things
1. persistent little boys getting colorful things up into the air
2. this cup of joe I'm drinking
3. a young day
4. progress, albeit slow
5. keeping to that pact I made with my sister.