Well, my friends. The cat is out of the bag. I opened h2's phone bill and saw that during the month of December he texted 949 times. I mentioned in earlier posts that he was doing a lot of texting. Often times right while I was next to him in bed. and then hiding his phone. Only 34 of those text messages went to me.
I called him this evening, confronted this, and it turns out for several months now he has been texting, emailing and calling his former girlfriend from many years ago. I don't know the extent of the relationship, but what I know is enough to know that he has been lying to me and treating me like a fool and then, worst of all, blaming me for things. 900 texts to one woman in a month is a bit excessive. I don't need more details I have enough clarity now to know that I must really move forward.
I'm saddened because the person with whom I fell in love does not exist. Will this make me crumble? Will this make me do irrational things? No. I am going to take care of myself, I'm going to take care of my two lovely boys, I'm going to cherish my friends and family and I am going to put this behind me. Hopefully I will never have to be near or impacted by someone who is so dishonest and weak. He behaved like a coward. It is a good example for us all. We can learn not to be this way.
A few people had suggested it must be someone else and I didn't believe it because I said he was a good person and I believed him when he said he was struggling with issues. I've been defending him to my friends who were certain it must be someone else. I couldn't imagine that. Okay, so I believed in the wrong person. That's pretty sad, but I believed. That means I have a heart and I would rather believe in people than doubt them. So here you have it. Apparently I have been the fool for the past few months and I was even thinking that much of the troubles that led H2 to leave me were things I caused.
I will not walk this earth with malice toward him, I will not hate him, I will not do anything to cause more harm. This is one of those very difficult situations we can learn from. Despite this black spot, the world is full of wonderful people. In this hardship, I am so grateful for all the wonderful friends and family. I am not alone. This is going to make me a stronger person in the long run. I will need as much help as I can get too. Please send your comments if you wish. I will not allow really harsh hateful comments about H2 though, my goal here is to discuss the process. He has to live with this, he's already in a great deal of discomfort because of what he has done.
On the bright spot, I did have a fabulous workout today and I feel like things will be ok. I will be ok.
Five Favorite Things
1. clarity
2. knowing for sure it's time to say goodbye
3. being able to write here in this blog
4. my wonderful family and friends
5. that tomorrow will be another day.
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