A Very Good Day

It was a really blustery day and the marina was empty

That is Gibson Island out there

Another shot of Gibson Island (from the other side of the tracks!)

1971 Grampion (30 Ft and Needs a Lot of Work)

I loved the clouds, you can see how windy it is

Today was a crazy busy day. Alarm went off at 6:00 am- up and out for a ride in Baltimore. Then on my way back, I felt inclined to get in another short ride- So I added Sligo Creek Parkway to the mix. Mileage today was 36-
Then a quick lunch in Bethesda and then off to the Annapolis area for some time with a sailboat (pictured above). This is Sillary Bay, which is right across from Gibson Island. I nearly froze my ass off and it was REALLY windy today, so I did not take too many pics for fear of going overboard or dropping my camera. Tomorrow 40 mile ride planned from Baltimore to Annapolis and back and then in the afternoon- shooting photos with one my old friends from high school out in Frederick County.

Five Favorite Things
1. thawing out after some really cold boat time
2. getting in to rides in one day (16+ for the first ride and 18+ for the second)
3. having another great ride to look forward to
4. getting a little warmer as I write this
5. sunny windy days to help a sad heart.

A ride in Baltimore

It is a little brisk out but I expect to warm up a bit as we get rolling. It's a beautiful day today after some dreary rain. I like checking out all these other early risers. 

Five favorite things

1 a good night sleep

2 meeting some new folks in the cycling community

3 finishing off a busy workweek 

4 a good cup of decaf

5 friends

Stuck in a Meeting

I'm stuck in a meeting all day. Hot topics being discussed include- treatment of embedded volumetric optionality, de minimis thresholds for special entities and other very exciting things. It's nice out and a perfect day for riding. I plan to get home as soon as I can today to ride. very important. It will have to be a short ride b/c I have some other things I have to do. :+( 

Five Favorite Things:
1. coffee, even if it's decaf- very needed
2. eating a bunch of pumpkin seeds
3. no more snow
4. feeling rested
5. riding later today

Feeling a Bit Banged Up

Okay, so I did make it out for a ride yesterday and I did also manage to experience a little wipeout. My rim got caught in between boards on the boardwalk bridge thing on the trail and instinctively I held on to the bike, rather than getting flipped away from it- to protect the bike from damage. So I have a little bit of a bump to the head, a bruised elbow and bruised right leg. I will be fine, but it reminds me of my racing days. Always a little ouch.

Five Favorite Things
1. that the half day meeting I was in is over
2. a really amazing lunch today- kale, sesame seeds, sundried tomatoes and quinoa- yum
3. that a friendly woman at work has been giving me free fruit all week
4. tix to a fun play on Friday night with a good friend
5. that the pants i'm wearing today are too big (could not even button them in 2013)

A little Back-Pedaling Today

Today it is sunny and warm and I plan to get out and ride again at lunch on my bike, but I woke up sad and a bit tired. I keep waiting for this grief stuff to subside, but it doesn't seem to be happening and I feel a bit alienated. I think my friends and family are sick of it, so I don't talk about it much any more. (just discuss with the hired help so to speak) It's been several months and I know I should be seeing some progress right?  When will it get better and go away completely?

Five Favorite Things
1. this new jacket i'm wearing
2. that it's sunny outside
3. don't know
4. ""
5.""

I will snap a picture or two from my ride and post later.

Getting Out for Lunchtime Ride

Brought the Kestrel girl to work with me. I'm going to get out and ride into Old Town Alexandria today and back- I used to do this years ago but things got busy and I got lazy. I'm still very busy, but I'm making the time. It is important. I need the sunshine too after a really hard winter.

I'm feeling a bit distant from my past. That makes me feel sad a bit, but it also makes me feel better b/c I can function and I can move forward. I'm still processing some anger stuff but It's getting there and I have a right to be mad. Some bad stuff happened. I am not going to forget it. I will forgive, but I'm not going to forget. My forgiving is going to come when it comes and it's not something I need to do or worry about right now.

Five Favorite Things
1. having an open mind
2. being okay with the crisis management stuff
3. that it is sunny outside
4. that things are moving along
5. being at this point in time, already weathering the worst part of the storm.

Rain Rain Rain Rain

It's really raining hard outside. I did brave the rain yesterday for a brief ride but it is raining too hard today. Disappointed.

It was an interesting weekend- still happening clearly. Saw a great movie yesterday: Grand Budapest Hotel. I highly recommend it.

Five Favorite Things:
1. warm covers
2. a snuggly bulldog
3. feeling less sad each day
4. being okay with a bit of uncertainty
5. not missing the past quite as much

Lining Up the Season

I signed up for two metric rides in April-- a little ambitious. http://www.cecillandtrust.org/ Cycle for Cecil- which is a charity ride to fund the Cecil County Land Trust-- (i basically picked it b/c it is fairly flat) this is on Saturday April 26. Then -- (b/c i am insane) I signed up for this: the Draw For Life Poker Ride on April 27- which is in Kent County (again flat) http://chestertownlions.org/DFSonline%20registration_2014.pdf. It will be a biking weekend.

My plans are to get in as many rides as possible.

I'm feeling Okay today. I had a good night's sleep again!!! Love that I can sleep now. I'm drinking a decaf cup of Joe right now. I figured out how to fix my coffee maker on my own-- independence is a good thing.

Anyway, I've had some learning experiences. I can't say I'm completely educated but certainly a work in progress. Now it's time to stop putting important things on the back burner. All my work goes up this friday- gotta figure out how to get it there on my own. I will. I can do a lot of things on my own and be okay with that. It's only been a few months, but I'm feeling more and more myself and I'm happy about that. and also sad. I miss that I loved someone but that's okay.

Five Favorite Things
1. owning the day (first up at 4:45 and okay with that)
2. that little black dresses are little black dresses
3. that I can look back and have a better understanding of why certain things happen
4. that the third weekend in April will be packed with cycling- something I love to do
5. that the REI clothes I bought look great.

In the Full Swing

Wow, I've been so distracted by things. A week after a bad concussion and it's hard to get focused on what matters. My art goes up this Friday! I'm not even done with any of my new pieces.

I'm going to hustle and finish this big landscape tonight!

I did not get up in time to swim today. I'm going to take a break. Maybe do spin at lunch but I might just take a recovery day today and be cool. There is snow on the ground -- again. This has been a really snowy winter and frankly, its spring. The snow needs to stop.

Five Favorite Things
1. this comfy bed
2. another great night of sleep
3. a really good opportunity with this art show
4. not being so sad
5. the end of some things and the start of new things

Up Up and Away

Yay, today I did not oversleep. Woke up (sans alarm clock) at 4:45 a.m. after a really peaceful fabulous sleep, out of bed, swim suit on and to the YMCA.

I swam in the fast lane again (I like the scenery). Swam a mile in 36 minutes, not great but getting there. I feel pretty good today. I had a really good weekend and I actually managed to get out on the bike some and that is good. Last evening after work I slipped in a ride and it was a little chilly, but that's okay. I think it got colder as I rode. I felt pretty chilled afterward for a while and had to take a hot bath.

So I heard some interesting stories and background about people over the weekend and it's been making me think about a lot of things. I can think better now that the concussion seems to be abating. This thing where people walk around with guilt and grief--- it really consumes you and it keeps you from being able to connect with people, be loved and love back in a way that works. I've been walking around with grief now for 28 years. I'm trying to learn how to let go of it and be more engaged in a healthy way with people but it's hard to do that. Sometimes the grief you have is all that you have left of a person so you hold it really tight and it keeps you from holding anything else. It seems so logical when you look at someone's life other than your own and you can see what they are doing and how it has impacted their relationships. But when it comes to me, well, I don't have that same perspective. Anyway, I know I'm being a bit vague but I will say this:

Atonement comes from forgiving yourself.

Five Favorite Things:
1. not being too disappointed, but kindof disappointed
2. getting faster on my bike- I rode 18+ yesterday (mainly b/c it was really cold)
3. not missing my opportunity to swim
4. yay! I'm sleeping again. It's been more than six months and I'm sleeping. Sleep is wonderful
5. my house is pretty clean, i like it much better that way.

Longer Days = More Time With the Bike

I overslept the morning and missed my planned swim in the Masters' lane. My alarm went off at 4:45. I hit the snooze button a couple of times and then turned off both my cell alarm and the cheapy alarm clock alarm- (apparently). I woke up at 7:10, well after any swimming. In fact, the folks were probably already at work by that time!

So I am disappointed I missed the swim and to accommodate (somewhat) I did a spin class today. The usual cyclist guy who teaches was not there and it was a young woman who was not as energetic, but it was ok. I'm going to get in a ride tonight when I get home. I know this is humble, but I want to try and get in between 100 and 150 miles a week. I'm going to be doing this on my own, which is kind of lonely, but I'm used to that. Riding has been good to me and it will continue to be good to me. The important thing is to remember that. Another important thing to remember is that I need to keep painting. I only have a few more weeks to finish some pieces.

Five Favorite Things
1. getting out on the bike
2. spending some time with the brush and canvas last night
3. having a good weekend while I recover from the concussion
4. that my bad headache I've had most of today is easing a bit.
5. that I'll be ok, even with disappointments or hopes that go unfilled, I'll be ok.

OMG!

I'll just leave it at that.

Okay, coming back to this post.

My bike is lovingly put all back together. I enjoyed every moment of that. I got out on it today- first ride since concussion. I'm feeling only a little off but pushing through it.

Five Favorite Things
1. well there's one really good thing I'm thinking about.
2. ditto
3...
4...
5...

Okay, Seriously Getting Biked

can't go into more details than that but it's about as bikey as bikey can be. :+)

Getting Biked

So I've taken some pretty big steps to get back into the cycling culture. I've got some work to do to get my bike legs back, but it's happening. (lots of work especially after a pretty bad concussion)

I've reconnected with folks in the cycling world. It's a great community and there are a lot of really strong, determined folks in that world. I'm thinking about which rides I'm going to do this summer and goals in terms of miles logged during the week. The days are longer now so anything is possible. I feel sad, but I feel like I'm moving away from the worst of it. I'm grateful for that. This whole time heals thing is true.  My head is spinning still, but not as much as it was earlier this week.

Five Favorite Things
1. connecting with really strong people
2. roasted brussels sprouts
3. a warm first day of spring with things sprouting up
4. finding that confidence in a sad heart
5. some sense of recovery from a head injury

Recovering from a Concussion

I still don't feel right at all. I feel dizzy when I walk and the ground seems to be uneven or something. For the past few days I've been walking around my house like I'm on a ship at sea. Crazy. I'm hoping for some good news tomorrow with the neurologist. I'm really ready to get back to work.

I'm trying to detach myself from my past feelings. I miss a life that was just an illusion anyway. I was happy and now that is gone. But i have many years ahead and there will be new and great things.

Five Favorite Things
1. being hopeful
2. oh please, getting better from this concussion
3. having good skin
4. a comfy bed
5. not being completely out of sorts (sad, but not broken apart)

Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

Big Bad Concussion

I've been enjoying the effects of a concussion since being smacked hard in the head with a sign at Palm Beach International Airport. Luckily my forehead does not look like this- it is a big bruise, but I'm dizzy, feel sick to my stomach and apparently I've been loopy.

Five Favorite Things
1. being home
2. less of a bad headache
3. being able to think a little better today
4.can't think of anything else
5.

Away from Winter

It's been very busy here down in Fla. at our annual conference. I managed to get away for a quick ride- I rode south on A1A- to Pompano Beach. I went through a couple of neat little beach communities, Deerfield Beach, Hillsboro Beach. Fun. Saw some huge yachts and some giant houses, but I liked the little retro houses better.

It's been a good day. I have a lot of work to complete, but it feels good to get out in the sunshine. This was a pretty beach. I sat here for a few minutes taking in the sunshine and watching the sailboats.

Five Favorite Things:
1. being away from winter
2. a good day at work
3. a faithful lovely bike
4. 90 degrees and no snwo
5. feeling good

Bike or Husband?

So I forgot to post this. Yesterday was pretty harrowing, as I faced the possible loss of my bike. In one of my distressed calls to one of my friends I was asked- Which is worse: losing a husband or the prospect of losing my bike?

Without a blink-- bike, of course. Husbands come and go, but the bike, that's a different story altogether :+)

Fruit Salad $44

I just ordered my breakfast here in my room-- seasonal fruit platter (which includes nasty mango) and the bill was $44. I'm not wowed.

Yesterday was a trying day, but it all worked out in the end. It's going to be a busy week. I'm going to slip in a quick ride before the day starts humming along.

I have my girl put back together. It only took a few minutes.

Once the sun comes up. (I'm waiting for that to happen) I'm heading out for a quick ride. Springing forward has complicated my plans a bit. Come on Sun! wake up.

Five Favorite Things:
1. that most of the fruit platter was NOT mango (I despise mango and don't get why Floridians put it on everything)
2. A good night's sleep after a trying day spent at the airport
3. A good week here at work
4. feeling better today
5. getting away from winter

Waiting for My Luggage, Bike

I'm here at the airport waiting for a suitcase and also my bike. I'm trying to be calm. Trying. No news about my bike's whereabouts or my suitcase. but the expectation is that it's on a flight set to arrive at 6:00 pm. then i have to dash in a cab and get to my destination.

cross your fingers, otherwise- a: heartbroken over a very special bike being lost and b: will be wearing same levis and black t-shirt all week to conference (the suitcase with my pajamas and sneakers i have, but none of my work clothes)

Five Favorite Things
1. that i always try to come up with favorite things
2. that i at least have pajamas for tonight and a toothbrush
3. that it looks really nice outside
4. that i'm hopeful my luggage will be on this next flight
5. oy, i dont know, i guess that I didn't freak out too much.

Brave Girl Alone on a Bike

So my lovely Kestrel is all stowed safely on the plane. (cost me $75) It was strange getting ready for today's trip. Over the past six years I had someone who would help me get my bags in the car (today it was a lot with the big bike box and two suitcases) and then would kiss me and say "goodbye hon" - Well, none of that today. Just me. It feels sad, but I'm okay. I'm not incapable of being alone. I liked being with someone, but not a false situation like I was in, so no sense wanting that.

This girl's got bike. Heading down to Fla. for a week. The doggy is in prison for a week (poor sherman) and I'm here at this little diner in the airport I used to always order the crab cake omelet, but today- veggie burger and little side salad with decaf coffee and water. It's okay, but not as good as the crab cake omelet. But 41 lbs lighter and looking good in these low-rise jeans with my girlie curves I'm okay. I feel fortunate. I'm 50 and I'm a natural girl, no makeup- no fake boobs, just me and I feel pretty youthful. I think that comes from eating healthy food.-- no processed stuff, no meat, no dairy, all organic, no soda, no bad egg husbands :+) .-- so it's working well.

I guess this is how it will be for me. I'm alone with my two boys. It was nice for a while having a companion, but I don't have that now and I will still be moving forward. I've got a lot of stuff on my plate- an art show, a trip out to Tucson to visit and ride with an old friend, a fabulous time at the Outer Banks with my best friend and my two boys, and then my Idaho adventure. -- oh- I forgot, I'll be swimming across the Chesapeake Bay too-- My knee is doing so much better, so I'm looking forward to adding more races in the late summer and fall-- if time permits.

Five Favorite Things
1. that my iphone is pairing nicely with this computer so I can post this
2. that I'm heading to warm sunny weather
3. that I didn't cave and get the crab cake omelet
4. the waitress who has always been my waitress in this establishment. I like her
5. being okay with no one seeing me off, I'm alone but I'm okay

Sleeping In!!!!!

I slept till 9:00 am (okay it was really 8:00 am if I can't count springing forward). But still, I have not slept this late since October! I hope this is going to be a pattern. I'm watching CBS Sunday Morning. This is the first time I've done this since my husband left. I'm not sad. It's okay. Today is looking to be a good day. I'm busy today preparing for a trip but It's going to be ok.

I had a fun evening with an old friend. It was good to catch up. 

Okay- i've decided to come back to this post-- getting the bike packed up was a total pain- it involved the strong neighbor guy across the street and a trip to the bike shop. 

Five Favorite Things:
1. not being sad
2. sunny skies
3. watching CBS Sunday Morning
4. getting the bike packed up
5. enjoying a good dinner

An Interesting Day

I went to a funeral today for my first boyfriend. He had lived such a full life, so many people were there. I think I was the only one there from his youth (besides family of course). It was nice to see his family. I'm not even sure if they remembered me, but they looked pretty worn out. It's been a hard three years for them as Andy battled a terrible disease.

After I returned from the funeral I quickly changed into my bike gear and went out and sprinted 11 miles. A short ride I know but I got down in the drops and rode hard. I'm tired now, but it felt good to do it. I also was thinking as I was pedaling, fuck being sad. So fuck being sad.

Five Favorite Things
1. good memories of a lovely man
2. that I'm a fighter. I get weak, but I am a fighter
3. keeping a youthful outlook on life
4. a sunny day and break from the snow
5. sprinting on the Kestrel

Telling a Sad Story

I spent an evening with my good friend and I was telling her some things about my life-- some losses I've had for example, and she started crying. I felt bad to make her cry, but I also feel bad because I'm tired of having a sad life. I have been walking around with some sad stuff now for almost 30 years. It's been recommended that I let go and say goodbye to that stuff and I think that advice is probably right, but I'm not ready to.

if you read this post it will give you some context of my sadness

http://joanneinmid-lifecrisis.blogspot.com/2008/03/lot-6627.html

anyway, so here I am. Waking up early. I have a funeral today- A boyfriend of mine when I was in high school and college. He died on Feb. 28 after battling cancer for three years.

Five Favorite Things
1. an evening with a friend even though I'm not feeling so great
2. that I feel a little strong even though I'm also a bit weak
3. that I'm headed for warm weather
4. this silly bulldog happily rolling on his back next to me
5. moving forward