Well,
I finally spoke my mind. It's all there. I don't regret what I've said because it all holds true. It was said in an email- not because I was too scared to say it in person, but because I want it there as a record to be read over and and over. My words have been mischaracterized over the past year and even several years to accommodate some pretty nasty stuff and that isn't going to happen anymore.
I don't expect to hear from him with any apologies or explanations. He doesn't have it in his character.
I have to live with being betrayed. I can do it and I will because I have to. One day I might even forgive him, but right now I'm going to take care of myself and my two little boys. We have a great life ahead of us. It is on a new and unexpected turn right now and I'm going to put my all into it.
Fear of being alone is not governing my thoughts. Quite the contrary. I was in a marriage with someone who did not regard my feelings, THAT was being alone.
I just got back from swimming this morning. So far this is a good day. Cold, but good.
Five Favorite Things:
1. my faithful bulldog keeping my feet warm
2. a good night's sleep
3. facing the reality that I have no more words to say or secret hopes that things will be repaired
4. feeling a little stronger today
5. that I have a job to go to.
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