I look back at some of my posts over the past two months and I actually feel like some progress has been made. Things are certainly not perfect, but they are getting better.
Today I slept till 5:00 am-- this is the fourth night of sleep. It feels amazing and it's something I really need with everything going on.
I like not being totally immersed in the anger phase. Don't get me wrong. I am disturbed very much by what happened. But I can only control what I do. I've got a great group of friends who have all been so supportive and they worry. I wish I could reassure them about this. I look back on some things and I think to myself that it will be easy to let go. I have a whole life ahead of me and there will be mistakes, there will be uncertainties etc, but it will be a good life. There is no need to trouble or wrestle over someone who decided not to be honest and who still is not being honest. What kind of connection is that? I'll do my research and I'll do what I need to do to make sure I'm okay with saying goodbye and then I will say goodbye. (feels like those currents might calm down one day inside me)
Right now i am still "INNN the shit" I am getting out of it though. It feels like it is taking a long time some days, but this morning it doesn't feel that way. it's been a couple of months and already my life is so much more improved. I'm getting my bike legs back, I reconnected with some great people and made new connections with other great people, I've been swimming, I've been working on my health. I'll be fine. There's a life out there I'm living and It's a good one.
I'm pondering a high adventure trip this summer. (as I mentioned in earlier post). I feel good. I feel fearless again. I have not felt fearless in a long time and I like it.
Five Favorite Things
1. caring less about certain things
2. feeling pretty good this morning after a killer spin class last night
3. being hopeful
4. not missing coffee quite as much
5. being in sunny Florida in a few days
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