Today is the first day in MONTHS that I slept through the night. I woke up at 5:00 am rather than 2:30 or 3:30 am. I feel like a different person. I was going to go swimming this morning, but it's so nice just having a little extra time in bed writing, so I'm going to go to my gym downtown sometime later today instead and lift weights and do a little cardio.
This whole broken heart thing is truly a healing process and I'm in it. I'm not healed. I go from being mad to distracted with other things to confused. This time of day I wake up and feel pretty sad. It's really hard to live with a broken heart. I wake up and that first 30 seconds feels fine, then the fog of sadness comes back. I keep making sure all the trains are running in my life. (and they are) and I watch people move along who are not sad and I wish I could be in their shoes just for a little while. Alas, I am not.
I have had some pretty good things happen to me too so I cannot complain, but I'm also up against a bunch of challenges. I'm trying to move forward and I am doing that, but it feels like quicksand most of the time. I guess that will make me stronger? (how strong do I have to become?) I have a new life now. I wasn't expecting it, but here it is. I know it will be a good life. I know that, but I'm building it right now and I'm still in this whole grief thing and that's hard. When I tell people about what happened, they always tell me I'm strong I'm a survivor and I'll be fine. I hope all of that is true.
Five Favorite Things
1. first full night's sleep in months (no pills to assist)
2. relaxing this morning rather than rushing to the gym
3. that other people have faith in me
4. that I have my home
5. that the most important part of my life is intact and they are sleeping peacefully in their rooms
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