Where's That Girl?

I took a quick peek at some of my posts back in early 2014. Boy was I really trying to be brave and strong. I feel sad that I was so sad, but also proud that I was strong enough to be grateful for the good things in my life, my kids, my family, my friends and that I was setting out to heal in a good way.

I can't say the healing process has been all that smooth and it certainly has not been a straight path. I spend a lot of time missing my former partner and being mad at him and myself. It's a different kind of sadness. I can breath ok for example and I'm also pretty happy at times but I still have this grief stuff and it seems that when things don't go so well in my current life or when there is bump in the road a whole lot of things get triggered about my past life.

I shot this picture over the weekend. I can at least say that I think it's a beautiful photo. I'm still learning the photography thing. I've spent probably way too much money on equipment and now it's time to settle in and really focus on getting better at using it. I miss spending time behind the glass for no reason other than just wanting to.

It's also time to really focus on those goals I set nearly two years ago. Maybe I shouldn't be so hard on myself. Perhaps if I took a broader look, I would see that I am indeed slowly making progress on those goals. I remind myself all the time that happiness is a feeling not a destination. That sucks. But it's the reality. So what triggers happiness and what triggers other feelings?

I don't like dark curtains that keep out the light (easily fixed) and I don't feel great about myself when I backslide. (work in progress)

This morning I wanted to wake up to a warm text message asking how I am and that didn't happen. So I'm asking myself how I am. I'm ok. Kinda sad, but ok.

Five Favorite Things:
1. that the office is closing early
2. that I'm writing
3. that I'm sad but still ok
4. this beautiful picture, (seeing it in person was even better and I'm glad I take the time to soak things in)
5. mending this heart.