It's good to see who someone really is, but it sure does hurt. The things I have seen and heard and how I have been treated are so different than the experience I was having just a couple of years ago. It was all such a different life. But there was some pretty dark stuff I didn't see. I didn't know all that ugliness was inside, it's not on the inside now. It's on the outside. People look different when they are turned inside out. It's not a good look.
I am a widow of a person who never really existed as I thought he did. I did spend some time looking for that person, but he doesn't exist. My distorted view certainly gave me happiness for a few years, that happiness was real for me, but it was built on sand. The face I see now is the true face. It's always better to see the truth, even if it's ugly.
What I see makes me want to stop searching, and that feels like a relief in a way.There is nothing to search for, nothing worth hanging onto. Just a big ball of unkindness. I think when guilt eats at someone a whole lot of toxic stuff is brought out. It's good to be away from it.
I wonder what it's like to think so poorly of oneself?
I'm glad I can be happy with the person I see every morning in the mirror. That's important stuff. And it doesn't happen on it's own. It comes through hard work and taking the right path not the easy path.
Five Favorite things:
1. that most people are very kind
2. that I am away from that toxic stuff
3. that i can learn how not to be
4. that honesty always prevails
5. that I had another day and it all worked out pretty well.
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