This Girl's Got Bike!

Wow, How do I even begin to explain why I have not posted here in so long. All I can say is it’s been an interesting year. I’ve had some ups and downs over the past several months and I am learning that a road full of bumps is a normal thing- that’s why we have shock absorbers.

Well, here I am and this feels right now like one of the most difficult days in my life, much of what I brought on myself. I didn’t sleep at all last night. I really wanted to and my alarm clock kept staring back at me, so I finally tossed it under my bed. (didn’t need the mean reminder)

I bought a new bike. I can’t afford it and one could certainly argue that I don’t need it, but I am keeping it. I’ve named her Azul. She is a deep sapphire blue like the desert sky or the water that you see when you look down over La Jolla Cove in San Diego. So Azul is the name- it came to me this morning.

Speaking of which, I did something this morning I haven’t taken the time to do in months, it was dark and I quietly went down to the kitchen at 5 am and looked out the window. It’s cloudy out so I couldn’t see any stars but the day was so new and a gift to me. I used to do this ritual every morning, sometimes I would feel lonely, but I always felt hopeful. Today I felt hopeful. Love is this thing that feels wonderful but it also feels like it can kill you at times. I just have not found the balance here. But I do have this new day and I’ll have another one tomorrow and thereafter.

So my new Azul, she is a tough Cannondale cyclocross and she will be dependable and safe enough for me to commute to work. I didn’t ride her in today because I didn’t have any sleep, but when I am stronger I will ride her in and it will put a smile on this face.

I don’t have lost hope and I don’t want readers to think this. Quite the opposite. I am just writing to say I’m having a tough time right now, my heart is a bit heavy but I have many wonderful things in my life, and friends and good family- so things will be better.

FIVE FAVORITE THINGS
1. brand new days
2. really really trying to be strong- it’s so hard but it’s worth the effort
3. the kind people in this world who so often get overlooked
4. angst- (it makes me lose weight)
5. being able to get through things, abeit 15 minutes at a time.

ENJOY LIFE! FORGIVE YOURSELF FOR THE BAD CHOICES YOU MAKE AND KEEP TRAVELING THIS ROAD CALLED LIFE. A FLAT ROAD WITH NO TURNS OR BUMPS IS NOT A CHALLENGE.