Partnering with Me

I am back now from my Idaho Wilderness Adventure. What a trip. It took jets, more jets, cars on windy roads, small single engine planes and a variety of small inflatable boats to navigate about 100 miles north on the Middle Fork of the Salmon River.

I went alone with an outfitted group. It was great fun and it felt good to be a part of something, particularly as I am now alone.

I am back in the daily grind and I am definitely not part of something with someone I loved. No life partnership stuff anymore. I am a mother and I have my family and they keep me going every day and I am grateful for that. I've been struggling with losing my partner for the past nine months and everything now is final. There is no uncertainty. I'm not surprised. I was hoping things would snap back to when all seemed happy and wonderful, but it is not going to happen. So I let that little light of hope go out. It was to be expected, but it hurts like nothing else.

All this and I'm keeping the trains running and keeping a brave smile on my face. Accepting and saying goodbye permanently to what I thought was going to be the rest of my life is hard. A year ago I never would have expected to be in this place, but here I am and I will move forward.

I will write more about my trip. It was a great adventure.

Five Favorite Things
1. that I am genuinely happy in the photo above
2. that my two boys are doing well
3. that I have a long weekend coming up
4. that a sad heart will heal
5. clarity, albeit very hard.