A Year Ago

A year ago I was looking at these same trees and they looked so beautiful, but my heart was so heavy. I remembered stopping the car to call my now ex husband and urging him to reconsider what he was doing. I wanted so badly for all of the bad stuff to be shaken off. I wanted to understand why things happened. Well, it just wasn't in the cards. That's difficult, but it's the reality. There are no answers for the bad treatment, it was just a string of hurtful and bad decisions made that came my way. Are there regrets? I will never know.

Back then I was still trying to sort out why someone who I thought loved me just wanted to walk away and not think twice about it, not think about the hurt he caused to my family, my children to me. It was hard to accept that this special person would have lied and continued to lie, lie lie. I was still thinking that getting answers would make things better, or that it would at least help me understand.

I still carry sadness and there are days when I am reminded of some pretty difficult stuff. It's hard to have some pretty bad stuff come from a person who was a nice guy.

Here I am, a year later, shooting these trees with my good camera. I don't have the answers. I never will. But I do have far more now than I did then. I have my two boys, I have this mending heart and I have a new love. A year ago, I feared I'd never be able to love again and here I am and well, it's wonderful and scary and unpredictable and all that. It ain't just words, I can feel it!

Five Favorite Things
1. beautiful trees in Rock Creek Park
2. being a year later
3. that my heart is able to be mended
4. a comfortable bed
5. being loved